


no i love you's, no goodnight's

by signofthetmies



Category: One Direction (Band)
Genre: A lot of cursing, Angst, Angst and Fluff and Smut, Angst with a Happy Ending, Bottom Louis, Bottom Louis Tomlinson, But also, Crying, Divorce, Established Relationship, Eventual Fluff, Eventual Happy Ending, Eventual Smut, Fluff, Heavy Angst, M/M, Married Couple, Married Life, No Physical Fighting, Other Additional Tags to Be Added, Top Harry, a lot of fighting, almost divorce, angst !!!!!, crazy stupid love reference, eventual cos u have to go through all the angst first, i guess this is exes to lovers?, i promise there’s a lot of fluff in the end, idk how to stress this enough
Language: English
Status: In-Progress
Published: 2021-03-07
Updated: 2021-03-07
Packaged: 2021-03-13 11:35:39
Rating: Mature
Warnings: No Archive Warnings Apply
Chapters: 1
Words: 4,062
Publisher: archiveofourown.org
Story URL: https://archiveofourown.org/works/29900496
Author URL: https://archiveofourown.org/users/signofthetmies/pseuds/signofthetmies
Summary: “No!” Louis exclaims angrily, “Tomorrow, I-I’ll wake up with an empty bed and we’ll never t-talk about this!” Harry looks at him sadly, all the love he had for him drained from just one instance. He wants to kiss Louis and reassure him but tonight, he just can’t. He can’t get himself to promise what Louis wants to hear.orHarry and Louis deal with the biggest obstacle of their marriage. They fight using all the fight that’s in them.
Relationships: Harry Styles/Louis Tomlinson
Kudos: 9





	no i love you's, no goodnight's

**Author's Note:**

> FIC PLAYLIST: [nilyng](https://open.spotify.com/playlist/3JrywunFUfJeEHUq4W8Iau?si=8239qw3HQgWy9Gtj5gFxUw)
> 
> first, i want to say a big sorry for this. this was such a pain and a joy to write because i enjoyed it so much but it was also painful to proofread lmao. i swear the angst is worth it !!! the fluff i wrote just to balance out the angst is worth it so pls keep reading!! 
> 
> if i let u cry pls let me know in the comments and leave a kudos while you’re at it cos that’s my goal into writing this story. 
> 
> anyways, i have a scene inspired by [this](https://www.youtube.com/watch?v=VaH6MN-XSjI&t=13s&ab_channel=chinhle), so if you’ve watched it you’ll probably find it a bit familiar !! 
> 
> second, i write my author’s notes early so at this point, i’m writing this right after the big fight scene because i’m exhausted from pouring that much energy into this LMAO BUT I LOVE THIS SO MUCH this fic will forever hold a memory in my brain. also, thank u to my obsession w marriage story that i got this 
> 
> without further ado, enjoy !!! <3
> 
> [my tumblr](https://tired-eyes-lou.tumblr.com/)

_ seven years ago _

Harry goes to the bathroom before heading to his seat in the cinema. He sees a boy just aggressively washing his hands under the cold running water. “I fucking  _ hate  _ this song!” He shouts to himself before seeing Harry in the mirror behind him. “Jesus,” The boy exclaims in surprise. 

Harry chuckles, “Sorry, mate. I’m not Jesus, just Harry.” He shakes his head, hiding his smile from Harry’s attempt at a joke. “So,” Harry approaches him, leaning against the sink next to him. “You don’t like Roxette, huh?” The boy makes a face, confused.

“The  [ song ](https://open.spotify.com/track/6kvoHl80mfCVTv7XnZkjQn?si=ZaHUu642QFmEpi8HxmiSnQ) ,” Harry explains, pointing to the speaker above them. “It must have been  _ love, _ but it’s  _ over no-o-w _ ,” He sings, doing his best impression. “Oh,” The boy realizes, wiping his veiny hands. “You’re a good singer.” He turns off the running water and walks around Harry to grab some tissue paper. “My date stood me up,” Harry’s eyes widen in surprise, if people who looked like  _ him _ got stood up then Harry feels like he’s got no chance at dating anymore. 

“I mean, he didn’t.”  _ He _ , Harry thinks, nice. “He’s just in another seat making out with another guy.” He explains bitterly. Harry looks amused, even if he shouldn’t because it’s an  _ unfortunate _ event, not for him though. “I didn’t catch your name,” Harry says instead. He already has ideas on how to make this boy feel better.

“Louis,” he says, “Tomlinson.”

“Well, Louis Tomlinson, do you want to watch the movie with me instead?” It’s not every day you encounter a gorgeous boy in the bathroom so he’s taking his chance. Louis smirks at him, understanding his intentions. “I don’t trust people who sing  _ It must have been love  _ to strangers.” Harry laughs, throwing his head back and covering his mouth. “We’re not strangers anymore though!” He says, raising his hands defensively.

Louis shrugs but agrees anyway. “Okay then, let’s watch the movie together.”

_ present _

Louis hears the front door shut. 

He closes his eyes and exhales, continues stirring the pasta sauce boiling in front of him. “Hey,” Harry whispers from where he’s taking off his shoes, just kicking them off mindlessly which Louis has told him off about a million fucking times already.

Louis looks back just to confirm that Harry has indeed just thrown his shoes off carelessly. Harry approaches him and kisses his cheek. “Is this the one and only Louis Specialty?” He wraps his arms around Louis’ waist, cradling him.

Louis cracks a small smile, it’s always been their inside joke since it’s the only meal Louis can cook very well. “Yeah,” He answers quietly. “I’m sorry I haven’t been making dinner a lot lately.” Louis turns off the heat and faces Harry, immediately hugging him and resting his head on his shoulder. Harry kisses his temple multiple times as if Louis can hear every apology through them.

“That’s okay, baby,” Harry sways them side to side, “I love you,” He whispers. Louis hums in acknowledgment, “I know,” He says instead, “you  _ better _ .” Harry huffs a loud laugh, dragging his hands down to Louis’ thighs before lifting him up completely. Louis yelps from the action but continues burrowing his head into the crook of Harry’s neck. “Sit here,” Harry drops him on the kitchen island gently. “I’ll get you some food, darling.”

Louis looks in awe of his husband, just observing him as he grabs a plate and fills it with pasta. “How was work today?” He asks, filling the silence. Harry slouches from the question, “I’d rather not talk about it tonight, Louis.” His voice changing back to the familiar cold one Louis has grown accustomed to.

“Of course not,” Louis retorts. He hates fighting with Harry but sometimes he can’t help himself from his sarcastic and satirical responses. Harry hands him his plate, ignoring his remark. “More sauce?” Harry offers. “Please.” He responds silently.

They eat together in silence, Harry allows his husband to put his feet on top of his, it was something they did all the time, except now he feels like they’re doing it out of familiarity and not because they want to. Louis doesn’t think much of it.

-

Louis wakes up to an empty bed. Of course, he does. He checks his phone to see if his husband left him a text, just to be presented with nothing.

He goes straight to the shower, maybe even shedding a few tears for his breaking marriage. He heads down to the front door, seeing some of Harry’s shoes scattered around the floor. “Fucking hell!” Louis shouts in frustration, kicking the nearest shoe. It’s not a big deal, it _shouldn’t_ be a big deal but Louis’ just desperate in finding other ways to release his anger and this is the best thing he can find.

He drives away from his— _ their _ —house, calling Jack on the way.

Louis waves to Jack when he sees him from the entrance, “Yes, I look like shit, or I look like I haven’t slept in years, whatever you’re gonna say,  _ yes _ .” Louis says immediately before Jack can get a word in. He raises his hands in surrender, “Woah, I wasn’t gonna say anything like that.” 

Louis rolls his eyes but lets it go. “How have you been?” He asks, pushing the cup of coffee he bought for Jack a few minutes ago. He grabs it and tipping it to Louis as a thank you. “I don’t want to talk about me, I want to talk about how you say you’re not interested in me but buy me coffee whenever your oh-so- _ loving  _ husband fucks up.” He knows he shouldn’t allow Jack to talk about Harry like that, but he’s so tired of defending him and lying about their happy escapades that don’t exist anymore.

“Look, Jack, me buying you a drink doesn’t mean I want you to fuck me or that I want to hurt my husband by riding off on the sunset with you. I’ve told you and I’ll tell you again, I’m sorry if it seems like I’m leading you on but I’m not, we’re friends and that’s it.” Louis fidgets, turning his wedding ring numerous times on his finger as if to remind himself.

Jack doesn’t take it to heart—or to his brain, he’s heard this a hundred times before, and like every other time, he moves on from it and talks about something else.

Louis works his shift right after Jack leaves, he doesn’t need to because it’s his family’s business anyway but he still does because he can’t feel useless at home  _ and _ in his workplace. At least spare him this if he can’t have the other. 

“Hey Dev,” Louis greets, checking the storage room behind him. “Oh, you’re here,” He grabs the notebook tucked behind one of the shelves. “This is the inventory for the month, I finished it because I thought you wouldn’t be here today.” Dev smiles at him, Louis takes it from him, going through the pages. “Why is that?” Louis asks, distracted.

“Which one?” Dev leans into him, trying to see what he’s referring to. “No,” Louis says, “I mean why would you think I wouldn’t be here?”

Dev steps back and looks at him, “It’s the 28th today?” He asks unsurely, feeling like he shouldn’t be saying it. The realisation dawns on Louis, his stomach twisting into knots and a heavy feeling occurring in his chest. “Fuck,” He curses, making a fist with his hands until his knuckles turn white. “I’m so sorry.”

Dev shakes his head, “Louis, it’s okay, don’t apologise-” Louis gives him back the notebook and removes the apron around him. “I have to go,” Louis interrupts him, rushing to the coffee shop’s exit.

“Fuck, fucking  _ shit _ ,” Louis curses for the umpteenth time, his shaky hands can’t even put his keys in the ignition. Louis feels like shit that he forgot his and Harry’s 5th wedding anniversary. Even his staff remembered but he didn’t, he’s a shit fucking husband and he’s never hated himself more.

When he gets home, after passing by a cake shop, he sees Harry’s car parked in the garage. Louis almost trips and lets go of the cake because of how much he’s rushing to get inside. “I hate this so much, I’m so sorry,” Louis says to no one in particular, trying to unlock the front door and not make a mess of the cake at the same time. 

When he opens the door, he sees a few balloons in the kitchen and Harry making late lunch for the both of them. Louis puts the cake on the dining table and heads towards Harry, wrapping his arms around him the way he used to for the first time in months. “I’m so sorry, H.” Louis cries on Harry’s chest.

Harry doesn’t say anything, just caressing his hair softly, he knew Louis forgot and it hurt because he’s never forgotten it but he knows Louis has been stressed for reasons he won’t tell but they’re married and that’s what Harry is trying to focus on right now. His silence makes Louis cry even harder because he’s not trying to fight Louis or make him feel bad about forgetting. “Shh, darling, you have to breathe,” Harry consoles him the best that he can.

“I’m not angry, Lou,” He reassures him, wiping the unwanted tears using his thumb. “You’re too good to me,” Louis hiccups, calming down from Harry’s touch. He smiles sadly at the blue eyed boy, “Do you really believe that?” 

Louis doesn’t respond, he chooses to slot his lips against Harry’s instead, and who is he to deny his husband? 

He kisses back fiercely, always like it’s their last except this time Louis  _ really _ feels like it is. Harry pulls away quickly, grabbing his handkerchief from his pocket and wipes Louis’ face with it. 

“Did I ruin this?” Louis asks, not meeting Harry’s eyes and looking around their decorated kitchen. Harry doesn’t respond because he doesn’t know what he’s referring to, but he can’t accept that Louis feels like their marriage is failing so he responds, “Not at all.”

After finishing their meals, they head to the sofa where Louis places himself on Harry’s front, exhausted from his breakdown. “You wanna talk about it?” Harry asks, lacing his fingers with Louis’ and resting it on his stomach. Louis sighs, “I’m not one of your patients, Harry.”

Harry swallows the remark in his throat, one that could lead them to a fight. “Five years ago today, I married the most beautiful man and vowed to be patient with him, no matter what.” He says instead, voice breaking from how he’s holding back tears.

“Funny you mention our  _ vows _ whenever you know it’s your fault,” Louis says, voice silent, opposite of what he’s saying. Harry’s ears ring from his words. “I don’t want to fight today,” Harry shifts from their position. Louis feels like crying all over again, “We’re not fighting, Harry, we’re  _ talking _ , it doesn’t mean I’m not acting like you’re my fucking  _ therapist _ that this isn’t talking anymore.” 

Harry stays silent, just enjoys the feeling of Louis being so close to him, instead. Every part of Harry touching every part of Louis. So physically close yet emotionally far. “I’m sorry,” Louis says, turning to face Harry with his eyes glistening with tears, once again. He kisses Louis’ eyelids softly. “Don’t apologise,” Louis laughs pathetically, ashamed of ruining everything  _ again _ . “What did you do today?” Harry asks casually, always willing to forget but never willing to fix it.

“I met up with Jack, then-”

“Jack?” Harry interrupts, looking directly at Louis’ bloodshot eyes, he can see the disappointment in Harry’s eyes.

Louis nods, not trusting his voice. “What, did he talk shit about me again?” Harry laughs sarcastically, his body stiffening where Louis is laying on him. “I told you about this, Lou,” He continues, taking advantage of Louis’ silence. “I don’t like the way he’s always up in our business,” Harry waves his hands around, emphasising his point. “and I know you probably feel bad about hurting his feelings, or because you  _ feel _ like-”

“You’re doing it again,” Louis says instead, ignoring Harry’s rant. “What?”

“You’re- you’re  _ diagnosing _ me again, you’re a therapist Harry and I get it, you’re good at what you do but in this house, you’re just my husband. I’m not one of your patients, I’m not here so you can  _ fix _ me.” Louis spits.

The hurt in Harry’s eyes is unmistakable, it’s as clear as it gets. “So this is what it’s all about?” He clenches his jaw, untangling himself from Louis in ways more than one. He nods to himself and bites his tongue, and heads upstairs to the bathroom. “So _I_ was the problem all _fucking_ along!” Harry screams, his voice echoing through the whole house, stomping his way up to their bedroom. Louis hugs himself, digging his eyes on his knees until they hurt. 

_ five years ago _

Louis sees Lottie approaching them and whines, “Lottie, go away! I’m enjoying my first slow dance as a married man,” Harry just giggles on his neck, unbothered by the disturbance and too happy to even care. Lottie stomps her foot to get their attention but Harry doesn’t stop swaying them to the music.

“Harry,” Lottie rushes out, annoyed. “How could you agree to this song? Mum almost had a heart attack when she heard a  _ breakup song _ playing at a  _ wedding! _ ” Louis laughs loudly and so does Harry. 

After their first encounter, they both decided that  _ It must have been love _ by Roxette will be their wedding song despite the meaning of it. It was significant to them so it didn’t matter what anyone else would think.

“It’s a good song!” Louis defends, holding Harry’s hips even closer to him. Their eyes meet when they hear the chorus approaching before singing at the top of their lungs.

_ It must have been love _

_ But it's over now _

_ It was all that I wanted _

_ Now, I'm living without _

Lottie just rolls her eyes fondly at his brother’s and brother-in-law’s antics. “Of course you too would pick an untraditional wedding song, it’s Louis and Harry, after all.” She meant it as a teasing insult but it stuck to Louis’ head from that day. 

It was always gonna be Louis and Harry, but he didn’t know yet.

How  _ wrong _ he was.

_ present _

It’s been a few weeks since Harry stormed out on Louis that night. They don’t talk about it anymore, in fact, they’re avoiding so many things that sometimes they don’t talk at all. Harry doesn’t understand where he’s gone wrong, he loves Louis so much that sometimes he forgets about the fact that he’s his own person too.

He doesn’t know how to be on his own, Harry was only 20 years old when they met, since then his life has revolved around both of them. He can’t imagine life without Louis and for good reason, they were only together for 2 years before Louis popped the question and they got married. Being with the same person for 7 whole years and suddenly thinking about separation isn’t exactly very ideal.

Harry sits in his office alone, he stares at the chair in front of him where his patients would usually talk about their problems and he would offer a listening ear, other times just ask questions to make them realise their own fault. 

A cold shiver runs down Harry’s spine when he thinks about being without Louis. Having no one to go home to, it’s something he never thought about because even if he knew things weren’t as good as they were before in his marriage, a falling out never crossed his mind.

“Harry? That was your last patient.” His receptionist informs him, “Thank you.” He responds and rushes to pack his things and head home. To Louis. As he always does.

Harry kicks his shoes off and hangs his bag by the rack near their door. “Louis?” He calls but receives no response. Harry checks the time, it’s only 8:45 p.m. He can pay Louis and the coffee shop a visit. 

He takes a quick shower and changes into more comfortable clothing. Harry notices his phone ringing on the nightstand and sees the 4 missed calls from Louis. “Fuck,” Harry presses the green button. “Louis? I was in the shower, love-”

“Harry, it’s Jack.” 

“Jack?! Why do you have my husband’s phone?” Harry asks, his wet hair dripping on his new shirt but he doesn’t care. He just wants to punch the shit out of Jack. “Look, I can’t explain right now but can you please pick Louis up? I’ll text you the address.” 

Harry nods even if Jack can’t see him, “Is he okay?” The line cuts.

“Fucking bastard,” Harry curses, he reads the address which leads him to a  _ bar _ for fuck’s sake. Harry probably beats two red lights but he doesn’t care, he just wants to see Louis. Now.

Harry lazily parks by the sidewalk and sees Louis vomiting at the plants with Jack rubbing his back, clearly intoxicated too. He pulls Jack’s hand away from his husband and replaces it with his own. “Lou?” He looks up to Harry with bloodshot eyes, wiping his mouth with the back of his mouth and struggling to stand on his own. 

Harry puts Louis’ arm around him to support his weight and faces Jack. “What the fuck, Jack! Whose idea was this?!” 

Jack, who's more sober than Louis, smirks at him. “Look,  _ pal _ . It’s not my fault you’re too obsessed with your job and your money to take care of him.” 

Harry looks at him incredulously, “You don’t know what the  _ fuck _ you’re saying right now, so shut your mouth.” He grits his teeth, Louis puts his palm on Harry’s chest, stopping him from doing something he might regret. 

He listens to Louis’ nonverbal action and carries him bridal style and sits him comfortably in the passenger seat, as he’s putting on the seatbelt, Jack shouts behind him. “You’re so fucking selfish you can’t even fuck him right!” And that’s it, that’s the last fucking straw.

Harry walks up to him and grabs his collar and pushes him against the hard brick wall. “Oh?” He asks sarcastically, “and you can?!” 

Jack stands up again, although it takes him much more effort because Harry is taller and much more built than he is, and not to add, sober. “Now you care? If I told you Louis and I have been fucking behind your back, would it even get through your thick skull?” Harry punches him, twice, catching the bouncer’s attention. Harry rushes to leave, kissing Louis’ sweaty forehead and holding his hand over the gear lever.

Louis has sobered up from all the vomiting, looking at Harry with pity in his eyes. “He deserved that,” Louis slurs a bit, his speech still altered from the alcohol intake. Harry scoffs, tightening his hold on Louis’ hand. “That’s what I’ve been trying to tell you.”

“Do you believe him?” Louis rubs his arm, his clothes stink of booze and Harry fucking hates it, but he loves Louis too much to be rude about it. “I don’t want to talk about this right now,” Harry answers, his voice as cold as ice.

Louis covers his face with his hands, hiccuping so much from holding his tears back. When they get home, he removes his own seatbelt and doesn’t wait for Harry to open his own door. He can barely stand on his own but he’s in too much anguish to let Harry carry him.

He rushes to Louis’ side anyway and carries him inside. Louis fists his shirt and cries even harder. Harry exhales shakily, letting Jack’s words sink in. He doesn’t know what to believe anymore. “Harry, love,” Louis sobs, still holding his shirt tightly not wanting to let go of him.

He drops Louis on the bed gently, “Hey hey, Louis. Breathe.”

Louis wipes his face aggressively and Harry cringes, holding Louis’ arms away from his face and wiping it with his shirt instead. “Louis, calm down. Let’s talk about this tomorrow.”

Harry thought it was the right thing to say because Louis isn’t in the right headspace for such a heavy conversation and honestly, neither is he. His knuckles are still covered in blood that isn’t his.

“No!” Louis exclaims angrily, “Tomorrow, I-I’ll wake up with an empty bed and we’ll never t-talk about this!” Harry looks at him sadly, all the love he had for him drained from just one instance. He wants to kiss Louis and reassure him but tonight, he just can’t. He can’t get himself to promise what Louis wants to hear.

Maybe Jack was right, maybe he was telling the truth. 

Harry feels like shit for even considering Jack’s words but things haven’t been going okay for them for  _ weeks _ and his head is clouded with doubt right now. “I’ll run you a bath,” Harry says instead, leaving Louis on his own and entering their bathroom.

The moment he turns on the water and fills the bathtub, he sits on the floor and leans over the door, biting his hand to silence his sobs. The shiny ring catches his eye as tears just run down unsolicitedly. He takes it off and sees the engraving inside,  _ it’s L&H after all _ , taken after Lottie’s words on their wedding day. Harry didn’t have a very high salary then, so it took him one whole year before he stole Louis’ wedding ring and got it engraved.

They had proudly shown it to Lottie and reminded her of her words. Harry remembers it all, every single good memory before it all came crashing down. He puts it back on his finger and dries his tears before facing Louis again and carrying him to the bathroom.

“I’ll take the day off tomorrow,” Harry tells Louis while taking off his shirt. He always takes care of him when he’s drunk and this is the first time that he feels hesitance into doing so. Louis has sobered up from all the crying and vomiting he’s done in the past hour, but he wishes he was drunk enough to forget this night ever happened.

“You don’t have to do that,” Louis says, letting Harry undress him so he can take a warm bath. “I think it’s way past time we start being honest with each other with things like this,” Harry sets his clothes aside on the sink and carries his naked husband to the bathtub, his arms getting wet in the process. “I’m sorry,” Louis says immediately, out of habit and fear of losing Harry.

“For?” 

Louis looks shocked by the question, he’s never been asked that before and now he feels lost. Harry hands him the soap and he just dips it in the water, not scrubbing himself as he should. For what? For loving him? No. For marrying him? No. For wanting to let go but being too afraid? Maybe.

“You don’t have to apologise for anything you didn’t do,” Harry clarifies, tearing up again from the rollercoaster of emotions. Louis grabs Harry’s face with his wet hands, dampening his hair as he tucks a curl behind his ear. “Don’t cry, love,” Louis says even if he’s crying himself. 

Louis pulls his shirt, “Can you join me in the bath, please?” Harry looks skeptical “We don’t have to- we don’t have to do anything, I just want to take care of you.” Harry nods, a bit desperate for Louis’ attention too, so he strips himself of his clothing and lowers himself in the tub between Louis’ legs. 

Louis rubs his back with soap, leaving kisses everywhere because this is the person he chose, the person he’ll spend the rest of his life with, even if it’s just going to be memories. They promised each other everything and that  _ matters _ even if they separate, they’re always going to have parts of each other. 

They bathe each other silently, kissing each other’s shoulders, Louis kisses his knuckles as an apology and a thank you to what his husband did for him. Louis dries them off and grabs clothes for them when they’re done. They head to bed without a single word.

No I love you’s, no goodnight’s. 

**Author's Note:**

> this is just the beginning, as usual i’ll post the whole story next "chapter" this is just a teaser so i can tease u all LMAO
> 
> [my tumblr](https://tired-eyes-lou.tumblr.com/)


End file.
